“Oh God,” I thought as I flipped through Terence T. Gorski’s Denial Management Counseling Workbook. I had just removed it from its plastic shrink wrap and skimmed a few pages.
Another recommendation from my counselor sat there on my lap, and just from reading a few paragraphs, I now had a name for one of my main deterrents to progress: denial.
Like anything self-help-related, I dove off the deep end, thinking of all the ways I’ve been fooling myself, and started on the workbook immediately.
While written for substance abusers, I applied it to my issues around addictive relationships —…
I can’t think of anything that provokes more fear than events that have not yet come to pass. Worry, obsession, and anxiety are staples of what’s known as Future Tripping.
It’s not our fault, however. Blame our amygdala, or amygdalae because there are two of them, and Wikipedia defines them as such:
“In complex vertebrates, including humans, the amygdalae perform primary roles in the formation and storage of memories associated with emotional events. …
The Golden Rule needs a rewrite.
It’s one of the great philosophical debates.
Is it fixed, or is it determined primarily by our own perception?
Think back to an argument you had with someone where your interpretation of events was different from theirs. Perhaps one of you read a tone of voice as angry, and the other heard one of concern. Or, one remembered some details and forgot others in a common episode of selective recall.
When two people can’t agree on what really happened, it makes for some interesting and lengthy conflicts — or courtroom dramas.
To a great…
Wow. Just wow. I remember how excited I was to get accepted as a writer for PS, which wasn't that long ago. It was like I finally made it! This is sad news, and appreciate you pushing me to revise and make me a better writer. This has been my go-to for relationship advice over the last few years and it will be missed.
Setting boundaries can be scary.
For the old me, the look of disappointment when I told someone “no” was often enough to get me to sweep another need under the doormat — one that would explode when stepped on at the wrong time.
Mad about my girlfriend spilling something on the couch again? I’d blow up about the sink full of dishes. Didn’t call to tell me she’d be late? Sure, I’d yell about the half-open milk.
Why did I do this? Because anger feels safer than vulnerably asking for what I want and need. Things are different now, and…
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” — Socrates
I sat across from her at her favorite cafe with her back to the muted sun. We’d just returned from the shooting range, where we fired round after round of 9mm and .45 caliber ammo at various paper targets. I was a good shot with the 9, but the .45 had too much kick.
An Israeli woman with a military background and a “Don’t fuck with me” attitude, my mother is anything but average. …
It’s simple but not easy.
Over the centuries, humans have been obsessed with what makes people attractive, from makeup to body physique to cars, clothes, and money.
Of course, all of these play a factor, but I’ve discovered a deeper form of attractiveness that’s more about behavior, attitude, and emotional maturity. It’s the antidote to the unattractive characteristic known as codependency.
Codependency is the reliance on someone else — usually without their knowledge or consent — to meet certain needs. Typically these needs should have been supplied by the parents in early childhood, but they were not.
People who grow…
Here are some ways to adjust that.
Did that produce an uncomfortable feeling?
What if you really aren’t, and in fact, you’re a real asshole? Do you feel self-righteous anger in an argument? Do you stonewall the people you care about when you don’t get your way?
How about doing “nice” things for people but with a price tag attached, expecting something done in return? Do you throw temper tantrums or let your unruly inner child run the show?
We don’t like to think of ourselves as bad people, so for many of us, our life strategy is directed at…
Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and it enlivens the other who turns it upon his fellow man. — Kahlil Gibran
At seven years old I moved from upstate New York to Phoenix, Arizona with my mother. My dad was supposed to join us after he found a job, but it never happened. Three years later they officially divorced.
The marriage was chaotic and my childhood unpredictable, so I grew up like anyone in that environment — wired for anxiety and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
My mom bounced from…
What a timely read for me Felicia. As a solopreneur/business owner my value is often in question. My goal before revealing my fee is to make it evident that I'm worth it.