Forget about looks.
Ok, don’t actually forget about looks cause they matter. However, they won’t matter much if you’re not actually “feeling it.”
Here’s an example:
I’ve been on several dates where I was kind of attracted to her but not like, “Hell yeah” attracted. She could feel it, and when I asked for a follow-up to give it a second shot, she turned me down.
I was baffled!
Or the opposite — meeting a woman at a party and feeling an instant connection starting with the first eye contact. Instant “Hell yeah” and a great conversation to go with…
“Of course I’m listening!” I said as I continued checking my phone, tuning her out like she was background noise.
I hurriedly fired off a message and pocketed my phone just in time to prevent another fight from erupting. Communication was not my forte.
I realized later that what I was up against wasn’t me being a malicious person; I was re-enacting the same pattern I learned as a kid. Mom would ramble on and on, and almost instantly, my mind would fill with fantasies about those girls I had crushes on or looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger one day.
Today was a big day.
It was the day I looked down at the depths of my anger and couldn’t see the bottom.
What was a suspicion turned out to be darker, deeper, and broader than I imagined. It was an ocean of anger I pretended was a puddle, and the costs were remarkable.
Jobs, friendships, relationships, and my physical health at times were all casualties of this anger, and I did my damndest to cover it up.
It wasn’t until I stopped pretending to be “nice” that I began to see the vastness of my being and the breadth…
It all starts with willingness.
You’re probably used to me writing about life and relationships and offering advice, but that is not life and relationship coaching.
Life coaching is not consulting.
I’ve written about various aspects of mental health, such as addictive behavior, codependency, childhood trauma, and family roles. Naturally, therefore, you might be wondering if life coaching is like therapy.
Life coaching is not therapy.
Well then, what the hell is life coaching?
Life coaching has several aspects to it and can involve elements of therapy such as processing feelings, getting clear on the past as they present themselves…
“Oh God,” I thought as I flipped through Terence T. Gorski’s Denial Management Counseling Workbook. I had just removed it from its plastic shrink wrap and skimmed a few pages.
Another recommendation from my counselor sat there on my lap, and just from reading a few paragraphs, I now had a name for one of my main deterrents to progress: denial.
Like anything self-help-related, I dove off the deep end, thinking of all the ways I’ve been fooling myself, and started on the workbook immediately.
While written for substance abusers, I applied it to my issues around addictive relationships —…
I can’t think of anything that provokes more fear than events that have not yet come to pass. Worry, obsession, and anxiety are staples of what’s known as Future Tripping.
It’s not our fault, however. Blame our amygdala, or amygdalae because there are two of them, and Wikipedia defines them as such:
“In complex vertebrates, including humans, the amygdalae perform primary roles in the formation and storage of memories associated with emotional events. …
The Golden Rule needs a rewrite.
It’s one of the great philosophical debates.
Is it fixed, or is it determined primarily by our own perception?
Think back to an argument you had with someone where your interpretation of events was different from theirs. Perhaps one of you read a tone of voice as angry, and the other heard one of concern. Or, one remembered some details and forgot others in a common episode of selective recall.
When two people can’t agree on what really happened, it makes for some interesting and lengthy conflicts — or courtroom dramas.
To a great…
Wow. Just wow. I remember how excited I was to get accepted as a writer for PS, which wasn't that long ago. It was like I finally made it! This is sad news, and appreciate you pushing me to revise and make me a better writer. This has been my go-to for relationship advice over the last few years and it will be missed.
Setting boundaries can be scary.
For the old me, the look of disappointment when I told someone “no” was often enough to get me to sweep another need under the doormat — one that would explode when stepped on at the wrong time.
Mad about my girlfriend spilling something on the couch again? I’d blow up about the sink full of dishes. Didn’t call to tell me she’d be late? Sure, I’d yell about the half-open milk.
Why did I do this? Because anger feels safer than vulnerably asking for what I want and need. Things are different now, and…
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” — Socrates
I sat across from her at her favorite cafe with her back to the muted sun. We’d just returned from the shooting range, where we fired round after round of 9mm and .45 caliber ammo at various paper targets. I was a good shot with the 9, but the .45 had too much kick.
An Israeli woman with a military background and a “Don’t fuck with me” attitude, my mother is anything but average. …